WHY I WONT DATE A MARRIED MAN

He's spying on me

I am not afraid to get involved with a married man even if he has 12 kids or even if he has been married for 20 years or more. All of that won’t scare me or make me not love a man that can give me all I want and take care of me.

The truth is; many women these days look for men who will spend heaven on earth, give them the best, the latest, the most classy but why do they need all of this? I’ll tell you what I think. Today, women, many of them take pleasure in showing off, or letting the world know what they’ve got.” Thanks” to snapchat for actually making this people be who they are not. But that’s not what I’m here to chat about.

The question is if a married can take care of all my needs why then won’t I date him if I claim having 12 kids doesn’t change anything.

I will tell you why…

What if I fall in love with not just his money but with him? What if I love him genuinely and don’t want to continue sharing him? And then he tells me the obvious “you know I am married” or he tells me what I’d like to hear “I will divorce my wife” you really think he’s gonna do that by snapping his fingers? Or you think it is that easy if he is married to a woman who wouldn’t stop praying?

Honestly, why I won’t date a married man is simple, short and understandable. I CAN NOT BEAR THE EMOTIONAL DAMAGE, TORTURE… AND PAIN. I can’t bear to love a man who I cannot have next to me at any time of the day or night. What if I wake up with a terrifying dream who do I hold tight? a man that is cuddling his wife? Or a man that will turn to me and say “tell me about it” because he is mine?

The worst thing to ever waste your time on is a heart that isn’t yours and a home that you can’t have. But then, this man may actually prefer you to his wife for some good or flat reasons and he could decide to abandon the home he has built just to make you happy… But you do not realize that or you haven’t realized yet that for a man to walk out of his marriage he has no sense of value for commitment and he would walk out on you too. Maybe not while you’re still young and juicy but when you turn 30 maybe 40 if your jaz is mighty.

Please don’t pet yourself by saying “it will last” after the struggle to get him because the only thing that last forever is Gods’ will. And it was Gods’ will you dared to break and He will punish you for it. If you’re dating a married man it’s good for you. Ensure you don’t break his home tho just realize the right way before its late otherwise be the super glue in their relationship.

I don’t judge people.

I am not perfect..

I WAS ALL ALONE

Friday the 13th 

Eniola had promised me to come back home and not leave me home alone, so I enjoyed the day until I saw the day turn dark and I was getting worried. We almost had a little quarrel, so I was wondering could that be the reason she decided not to come home?

I just wasn’t sure of what to think of until I saw her text message “I’m not coming home tonight” I replied and said “ok goodnight” but I wasn’t okay. I wasn’t sure I could survive the night in such big, void and lonely house.

Oh! As usual I toughened and convinced myself that, well I am old enough, 20 is enough years to be bold and courageous. So I left my room and walked confidently down the stairs using my right hand to lead the way as I was murmuring “Jesus.. Jesus.. Jesus” then, did I realize that I wasn’t even confident at all.  I got to the compound through the kitchen door and I went to the generator house. I was trying to kick-start the generator but it just wouldn’t work. I tried twice and gave up.

Then I scrolled through my phone sorry my tablet (very embarrassing thing I call a phone) and I called Ifeanyi, a guy that lives next door and so he ran to my rescue. A big time basket-baller like him, I was certain the gen would kick. Oya generator kick naw it refused to kick o. After hours it came on at 9:27pm on a Saturday night. I was still unsure that I could sleep alone in this house so I called Harry.

Harry, my true friend…

Harry answered me and offered me whatever help I suggested. He gave me options like; Do I send you a cab to anywhere you want to go to? I promised to get back to him but when I told him what I settled for he didn’t smile at it.

I decided to go back upstairs as I locked the gate behind Ifeanyi and told him goodnight. I walked pass the kitchen, approaching the stairs, I heard the escape door making beats. It sounded like drum beats. I felt fear kiss my skin and freeze my nipples. But because I am black and not white I didn’t bother going to find out if I was hallucinating or someone was actually trying to show a talent. Instead, with speed I ran up the stairs and shut the door behind me.

I put on the television to help the noise fade and that’s how the generator went off oh.    Jesus have mercy those were my exact words. I started regretting… the rest of my family was at redemption camp why didn’t I go?

Oh no! Friday the 13^th a horror day what was I gonna do? I don’t wanna die I told myself. But it wasn’t even a Friday neither was it a 13^th Then I realized that I had only let my mind dribble me just because I have never been alone my entire life.

As for the drum beats? Don’t worry, I heard enough at church today and only in church would I hear more biko. No more tricks dear mind of mine.

Well I guess next time won’t be a big deal. Thanks Eniola because I wouldn’t mind sleeping home alone next time. Thank you Harry because I would have considered sleeping next door if I wasn’t discouraged.