REASONS WHY MARRIAGES FAIL- MY MARRIAGE IS FAILING

"Marriages these days do not last. We have no one to blame but ourselves. We are the real issue because I'm quite sure that no one walks into a marriage with both eyes closed. At least Yoruba girls shut one and leave the other. Well except many of us still live in the 1990s  and are still married off by their parents.
Well welcome to the 21st century where we pick the ones that we want.
So why then do we break up if he was the one?"

"I don't love him anymore" That's all we hear, We have made it a norm to just call it off like he was the boyfriend you started dating 2 months ago. Things would most likely change when people start getting jailed for broken homes and ruining the lives of innocent children.

Let me make something clear; We can make our marriages work!

Why do married couples fall apart?

Let me start with the women.
Women have this dirty behavior of "I want to look like a wife and not a chick in my husbands' house" "I don't have time to dress too much I have kids to care for" "My husband won't see me as wife material if I dress this way" To make it worse they share their stories with friends. And i dont blame friends and their advice because every friend would want the best for you. But I blame the wife who goes crawling for advice when you can simply talk to your husband (your confidant) when things aren't okay.

As to address that dirty behavior... Did your husband marry you in deeper life clothings? Then keep it up till he demands a change. He married you with your skimpy skimpy? please don't convert, he didn't ask you to. Why do women suddenly think marriage is a bustop? It is NOT A BUSTOP!
Your man wants you as sexy as he met you and he wants you to still be the market demands. He wants to feel like he got the best woman and that his fellow man would die for.
If you married a Yoruba man, you had better keep your sexy game strong.

Women get married and say; I have to cook, bath my kids, cater for them, blablablabla.... You married your husband and not your kids. Your husband needs to be catered for. Or do you think he married you to just born baby and groom them? If thats the case he is allowed to walk away after all you have groomed the kids. Isn't it?
The way you treat your husband after the birth of kids determines what the end product will be. Your primary aim is to satisfy your husband! Some women carry it on their heads and say "I carried this baby for 9 months" Young woman, he donated his sperm, his every caring person, his time, his love and patience for 9 months. He loved you not to taste another woman for that period. He deserves a standing ovation for keeping his tool under control.
So don't start by ranting and saying I carried my baby for 9 months because he endured for 9 months of temptation.

Women want to look wife material... Madam, he has married you because he saw you as his wife, so don't try to look like one because you are one. You are his wife! Do you know how many side chicks want your man? But he sealed it with you because there is something in you that he couldn't find in others and that's what made you his wife.

So women, I beg you, look smoking hot for your man, keep that fire burning. If your man isn't good in bed you can control him in bed by striking the positions and telling him how you want it. Do not go about telling your friends because it is your marriage and not theirs!!!
Keep your marriage life private because it only gets ruined when you let the external party in. Sex is an act so display it and do not be shy to. If he isn't doing it well, teach him how to.
Dont forget "ACTION SPEAKS BETTER THAN WORDS" Don't start throwing it in his face instead make the move.


Next week we would be talking about the men :)

DEAR BOYFRIEND

Ever since “my” mother passed away…

You kept my thoughts company

Not because you satisfy my thoughts

But because you enjoyed the time I would have spent knowing her

I was all about making you happy and you being proud of me

It didn’t matter if my mum had to cry

All I wanted were your smiles

Yet, I couldn’t be enough for you even as hard as I tried

But I was more than enough for her, I never had to try

Now that my heart demands the only thing it’s used to; you’re gone…

I offered you my life

You took my life without arguments

You broke it without comments

I surrendered all to you

And she surrendered everything to me

Oh how what goes around comes around

I shouldn’t bother you with my cries, nor worry you with my crimes

Oh mother!

I take all blames

Forgive me…

Love your mother, don’t wish you had

This is not my story because I LOVE my mother!

And this wouldn’t be yours if you show your mother the love that she deserves.

Mothers’ day is coming; it’s early enough to plan something special

Cheers!

ADORABLE BEADS

Beads that make you unique!

 

Could it be nemesis?

What am i not doing right?

I think it is nemesis...

Young and brave with so much confidence and gut

Hard to approach, hard to convince, scarce to find

Irresistibly loved and routinely praised

Heart as strong as a fist but yet. everyone secretly admires

Too right to write a wrong

Happy and cheerful, kind and soft

Dangerous heart breaker, but not by choice

Hot and fine but must I date?



Yes, still brave, gutty and confident

Still hard to approach and scarce to find

Irresistibly loved but hardly praised

Secretly still admired

Sad and bitter, kind and soft

repeatedly heart broken

Hot and fine and so I decided to date


Dating started my history and changed my story

Countless time I've hopped in the wrong hands that I do not think there are still good hands

Hot and fine doesn't guarantee the sweetest guy it only widens your luck

If I were less hot and fine I would have settled down

Or are my standards just too high? Or am I surrounded by some wall of Jericho?


What exactly am I doing wrong?

Sad and bitter

I envy the less sexy and less beautiful

Come teach me your ways I want to learn

Could it be that you loved your man differently than I did?

Come,

Come teach me your ways


Even as much as I am not materialistic

Even as much as I do not demand

Even as much as I cater for myself, they all still walk away or simply just mess up.

Do I then become materialistic, demanding and depending?

Netflix and chilling sport on point


Or do the less sexy do it in a less sexy way that make the guys stay?

Or could this just be nemesis for just being me?

What is my wrong?

A LETTER TO MY VAL

I can't thank you more than I already have...

You are worth my heart praising.

If you hadn't been here, I would have been on my bed with the lights off

But you have given me a reason to be out there with the best smile

Many relationships ended but ours just crossed the hurdle

We are going another mile and we would get there

You are a beautiful lover, the most amazing man with the biggest heart

Thank you for having me



XOXO

BEING BLACK... BECAUSE I'M BLACK

Being black, I'm a looter

when I'm trying to survive

Being Black, I'm a murderer

while the white boy is psychologically disturbed

Being Black, I'm not beautiful

Rather I am an associate of violence

Being Black, I am never obedient to the police

I always refuse to comply

Being Black, I am the scape goat for the police to torture

Even when I have committed no crime

Being Black, I am never right

My opinions don't matter

Being Black, I should swallow any unfair treatments

Because the judge wont hear my story

Being Black, I have no rights, I am no human


BUT BEING BLACK

My opinions are as important as the white boys'

I am not ugly and I'm not a looter!

I am not a murderer did the police accuse me so?

I am not violent! I am not violent!

So why should I be the polices' target?

I should have equal rights same as the white boys'

I am Black, and I am human.

I should voice out threats and I should be heard.

I should not just be tortured

But my opinions don't matter...

I can't change me

so,

STILL I REMAIN BLACK


BY: OLADIMEJI DOYIN

EDITED BY: JESSY DEREMI

THE SEASON OF LOVE- ADVICE FOR VALS DAY

So today, the whole world celebrates love.
Both those who mean it and those who don't deserve it.
Those who value it and those who give it up.
But if you mean it, then make it special, make it so beautiful that you want to do it again.

Appreciate the moment cause it could be gone in a whisper of smoke.
Butterflies, the person that gives you butterflies might just be the key to your long sought happiness.

Kiss longer, smile deeply and let today be carved on your hearts for eternity.
For those of us that haven't found love yet, do something to take your mind off the fact that you gonna be lonely af on this day.
Block out all mushy mushy around you and you could still have a swell day.
And if you don't believe a day should dedicated to love or don't believe it exists like me?

Just remember one thing; "na who love don epp?".

By: Cheedywyz
Edited by: Jessy Deremi

HOW IS LIFE AFTER DEATH?

Someone asked… Is there life after death?

My careless response was “I think so”

I pushed further and I said “when people die their spirits rest in Abraham's’ bosom till Gods’ judgment comes upon them”

I said some people’s spirit do not rest.

But she thought… If that is the case, is she prepared for the life after death?

She looked me in the eye and said “If death comes now, where would you go to?”

I told her “I’ll go to hell”

From that day on… her life changed!

Everything about her changed that very day.

Had I known she was preparing her after life, a place to rest when she is gone.  

What happens to the dead?

Do they have a home?

Do they have a place to rest?

What happens when you’re ejected from the ones you love to a place where you have no one?

Are the dead lonely?

Can we still reach out to our lost but yet still loved ones; at least to keep them away from boredom?

Or maybe at least cheer them up?

If death steals away our loved ones, does death still have the right to take away our communication? 
How do we hear their cries? How do we know when they need us?

What happens after life?

Will there be another life?

Has the dead gone to begin another life? 
Are they ahead and we the living lagging behind?

What happens after life? “She asked”

But if only I knew she was gone for long…

Written by: Jessy Deremi

Inspired by: Cyndy Ernest

                     www.thejanuaryexperience.blogspot.com

THE ANGEL YOU'RE NOT

You must have thought within yourself that you are everybody's own and everybody's desire.
You are just a sad piece without peace hungry for others joy.
You are full of deceit I wonder why I couldn't resist.
You are a disgust with so much gut!

You smile with a hope but with a heart of a slope
You caress and light my distress you then fling me off my fortress
You turn everyone I love against me for your'e that devil I would never love.

I'll never love, never ever love.
I saw you as my Angel. A person who could understand my dilemma but instead you flaunt me in the cinema for everyone to watch.

I wouldn't blame you.
You are not an Angel

VALS DAY IS HERE- WHAT HURTS THE MOST

It’s so sad not to have someone to call your own

It’s so sad not to watch others flaunt their gifts and you're forced to wear a smile

It’s so sad to be dumped a night to vals day

It’s so sad to hurt and smile

It’s also…

 So sad to be broke

So sad to lack confidence

So sad to try hard

So sad to love without the ability to maintain

Girls… It’s time to be understanding and be grateful. It is not your birthday so stop demanding and making wishes. Guys are not your godfathers or godmothers. Stop pressurizing them. Val’s day is to share love not time to get new flats in lekki. It’s not time to get a new ride. Stop chasing these men.

Guys… It’s not time to fall sick or lose interest. Do not be the one to break up with her because you can’t meet her ridiculous demands. They are ridiculous! Stand your ground, do what you can and let her walk away if she demands. O boi it is not her birthday!!! It’s a day for love to be shared.

A dose of love wont bite!

VALENTINES DAY IS SPYING ON US SO WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU SHARE WITH YOUR LOVER?

HOW CAN I MAKE HER MY VAL WHEN SHE IS NOT MY GIRLFRIEND- 4 Steps to making her your date

First, ask yourself, do I stand an opportunity? If yes please read on

STEP 1: GET HER INTERESTED

Yes, yes and yes!!! Women like money so what are you waiting for? Coat her with money soak her in gifts. Don't be scared, women cherish even the littlest effort and you can win her over with just that spice of love.


STEP 2: PAY HER ATTENTION



The work is half way already! Once she is interested you have her attention and pay her attention too. This is not a time to form rambo. Like "she is all over me for money" Guy do what you have to get what you want. Its simple.
Every morning, toast her but don't bug her. Don't wanna be in her Dm's every minute (its so annoying- don't forget she is not your girl friend YET) give her space.


STEP 3: HOLD YOUR COMPLIMENT



She likes you already! Show you love her so much but don't say it. If she doesn't give you a clue by saying " I really like you?" never say a word about what you feel just swallow it. Be nice

STEP 4: ASK HER



You have to pop the question.
- Hey xxxxx
-I'll like you to be my val so I can at least be a part of your smile.
-I may be your number last but a date with you would return me a smile.
-Allow me?

Whatever she says share with this family :) Its ALL About US
Happy Vals Day in Advance Readers!

FORSYTH FIVE CONSIDERATION IN IDENTIFYING A GROUP: MADE SIMPLE TO UNDERSTAND

           

According to Forsyth (1999) a group can be identified through five different considerations which are: Interaction, Interdependence, structure, goals and cohesiveness.

1.       INTERACTION: In a group, members interact with one another by making arguments, settling arguments and also making decisions. They work together and accomplish tasks. In a group members learn from each other. They communicate verbally and most times nonverbally.

Members of the group interact because of several reasons like: The given task, Socialization and moral support.

2.       INTERDEPENDENCE: Forsyth believes members who depend on one another for progress in executing their jobs can be used to identify a group. E.g Folasayo has finished his task but Olumide and Bidemi are still having difficulties wrapping up. Because Bidemi and Olumide couldn’t deliver the group has failed regardless of Folasayo’s completion.

3.       STRUCTURE: Group members are connected in organized, situational or predicted manners. The structure of a group is characterized by its norms, stable patterns of communicating among members of the group and the roles. Roles are the set of behaviors required of members who occupy positions in a group. Norms are standards that describe acceptable behaviors in a given context.

4.       GOALS: Groups are created or established to achieve certain goals. So therefore, a group is characterized by its common goals. Group members are in harmony in their pursuits to achieve common goals.

5.       COHESIVENESS: In a group there is a certain level or degree of coordination of effort to achieve a common goal.

REFERENCE:

-Group Dynamics by Donelson. R. Foresyth

BY: JESSICA OYEKANMI

THE FIVE POPULAR WAYS OF MAKING A FINAL DECISION: WELL SIMPLIFIED

                             

1.       CONSENSUS:

The decision to make lies in the hands of the group members. All members argue and debate till they all agree on a final decision to take that will benefit all the parties in the group. There would be no centralization of decision. All members must come to an agreement.

2.       COMPROMISE: The group members may raise their suggestions and out of the suggestions made the leader picks a side which leads to a compromise. The difference between majority vote and compromise is that, members opinions are adhered to depending on the winning side. But in compromise there is no voting but a decision must be made and will be made. So therefore a party ends up happy some don’t. But in Majority vote the losing party accepts defeat knowing their views are not strong enough.

3.       MAJORITY VOTE:

Decisions may not favor all individual in the group. But we are sure it would favor the majority in the group, because the decision is based on the suggestions of the majority in the group. The majority of those that support an idea or decision is taken over the ones who do not support a particular decision.

4.       DECISION BY LEADER:

Decisions here are made by the leader regardless of what the group agrees on or what they suggest. Decisions in the group are solely made by the leader. The opinions of the members do not count in this decision making process.

5.       ARBITRATION:

In arbitration decision making process, it has been said that the group including the leader cannot come to an agreement so an external party is invited to help generate a solution.

Decisions are not made by any party in the group but by an external representative.

BY: JESSICA OYEKANMI

STANDARD AGENDA FORMAT: CASE STUDY

                                                  ADE&OBY PRODUCTIONS

The five existing departments in Ade&Oby productions have a list of task each department handles. Department C has constantly been facing an unresolvable issue amongst their group members therefore causing a “slo-mo” in production.

The Managing Director has called the head of department C and the head of the rest department to put an end to the conflict before Monday.

·         PROBLEM IDENTIFICATION

 Managing Director: What is the issue with your department? Because I do not see your work as the head of department C if you cannot handle a departmental crisis.

Head of Department C:  Group members demand specific task to handle, failing to realize that we are a team and we must cooperate with one another to achieve anything. Most times the members want to wear the crown, get all the eulogies or seek approval from me.

I have also realized that everyone is fighting for recognition so instead of the members of my group sticking to the task I have apportioned for each they rather carry the cross of another member. By saying carrying the cross I mean doing their jobs and the jobs of others.

I must also admit that there is no team spirit amongst my workers.

·         PROBLEM ANALYSIS

Managing Director: All this has been going on in your department and you haven’t found a way around it? Anyway, head of departments what is your opinion on this?

Head of Department A: I think it is a major problem that group members do not value the work of a team. And we all know that our business would not make progress with all of these shortcomings.

Head of Department D: I totally agree with you. And in fact, I think we must decide on what to do to help department C before it escalates.

Head of Department B: It is no wrong for anyone to pick up the job of another person after he has completed his Job so as hasten the productivity of the company. But what is wrong is that there is no love but envy amongst workers in department C. My reason is that, I see nothing upsetting in a fellow member assisting to complete a task. I mean, if any of us is assisted to keep our jobs what we owe our colleague is a simple gratitude.

Sir, I think there is no harmony and no love among the members of department C.

·         CRITERIA SELECTION

 Managing Director: So what we are saying is that, Department C has unresolved issues of accepting the presence of company of one another?

Head of Department B: Yes there is a glaring fault in the group dynamics and I think we have to address that issue and the conflict would be resolved in good time.

·         SOLUTION GENERATION

A solution must be made to resolve the crisis in department C. We have to find a way to build the relationship between members of the department and strengthen the group dynamics (The way members of the group communicate). We could organize a get together party for the department. We could also consider making a clear cut of each members stand in the department as well as the jobs they are to do.

The best way to handle this breach is to recognize all the effort of each member and also put into consideration the emotions of each member.

Emotional intelligence is key in dealing or maintaining individual’s emotions in an organization.

If there is enough money to spend to get the right response among members, we can employ a psychologist to evaluate each attitude of the member and help match each person’s personality with his job. And also help members to understand each other. This would go a long way in member cooperation.

·         SOLUTION EVALUATION AND SELECTION

We have come to a solution that we have to organize a get together party for department C to help them bond and interact with each other. Now we have to find out the cost of the party so it doesn’t burst the company’s budget.

We have also decided to hold a seminar and invite a psychologist to speak on emotional intelligence as it would be effective for a better communication amongst workers.

We have evaluated the means to the solution and we have concluded on the solution to a better department C

·         SELECTION IMPLEMENTATION

This is the last stage where we carry out the decision we have made to modify department C of Ade&Oby productions.

BY; OYEKANMI JESSICA