All my life
I have been the jealous type. I hardly let things go. Every wall says I am a
nice girl but I clearly know my faults. They say grace abounds, but can I ever
be given? I hear the whispers of forgiveness but it certainly doesn’t seem for
me.
Yes I killed
Obiora. Lies may not really hurt but it causes so much damage. But then again,
lies could be avoided. I should have avoided it. I should have let my anger go.
I should have forgiven Obiora.
On my first
date with Oby, I had decided to give myself completely to him so indeed I was
joyous. We had dinner at Rose Garden. For the first time in my entire life I
felt the breeze of wealth. I was no longer interested in my discussion with Oby
as I was still dazed.
I had
forgotten I wasn’t alone so I began to soliloquize. “What a paradise, Na wa o
see money. If not for love I for say I don port. Na jack cooler be dis o.” Oby
listened carefully to me and at a point he pulled my ears. The coat of shame
covered me and my mood shuffled. “What is the matter with you? Are you
uncomfortable?” he said. I couldn’t say much, I figured I was thinking with my
mouth. “No I am okay.” I replied. Obiora requested we leave, although I said I
was fine and that tore me apart. As we journeyed back to my apartment the whole
scene dawned on me and I realized I had acted too immature.
I couldn’t
apologize and maybe that’s where I went wrong but after that day until his
death I never had ease with him. I mean I lost my esteem, my confidence and my
real personality. I used to be the full of life person but anytime he is around
me, my world changes.
I bore in
mind that if I found a way to hurt him I would feel a lot better. So I paid my
family doctor to forge a cancer result for me. Obiora and I went for the usual
medical check-up and the Doctor presented to him a cancer report. I am not sure
why I did this but I felt if I reduced his esteem we would be equal. Obiora
stopped working, his stress level reduced as his blood pressure increased.
When I got
back from work one Monday, Obiora had written his last words “I have really
loved you and I still do even as I lay asleep because I know I can’t carry on.
I had bigger plans for us but I wonder why this day came too soon. I love you.”
I ran off to
the hospital and my doctor said he had died of high blood pressure. I killed
Obiora… I killed Obiora. Who can save me from this haunting memory?
One fact:
God saves
shiiiit
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